How to Manage Breaks from Therapy
For one reason or another, we all need to take breaks from regular therapy sessions sometimes. (And when I say break, I mean anything from skipping one session to pausing for several months.) You may notice certain emotions arising in response to an upcoming break, such as frustration, excitement, worry, anger, or fear. Even if the break is your idea and in service of something good (vacation anyone!?), you may have concerns about how you’ll cope during your time off, what you should be doing to maintain your progress, and who can support you before resuming sessions.
In this article, I’ll cover:
The difference between self-initiated breaks and therapist-initiated breaks + reasons why these breaks might happen
Common emotional reactions to breaks and what we can learn from them
The pros/cons of breaks (spoiler alert: I lean heavily on the pros, keep reading to find out why)
How to prepare for an upcoming break
How to cope without your therapist
Self-initiated breaks v. therapist-initiated breaks
Self-initiated breaks are breaks requested by you, the client. You might need to take a break from therapy because of travel, work deadlines, finances, or medical care. You might want to take a break because you’re feeling stable, you want to prioritize other forms of self care, or you’re feeling overly dependent on therapy.
Therapist-initiated breaks are breaks requested by your therapist. Your therapist might take time off to go on vacation, catch up on household work, pursue additional training, work on big-picture business development, or take care of their own mental health needs. Your therapist might also suggest taking a break for a specific clinical reason (e.g. they might want to assess your ability to cope for a longer time between sessions) - and of course, you get to decide whether or not you’re cool with that.
Common emotional reactions to breaks and what to learn from them
Notice your immediate reaction to the break and how your thoughts and feelings about it shift as time passes. Get curious: what are your emotions trying to tell you? When have you felt this way in the past? What’s underneath the most obvious emotion?
If you’re distressed in any way, consider this a sign your therapeutic work is valuable and plays an important role in your life. You’ll miss it, and that’s a good thing.
It’s okay to feel nervous or fearful. A part of you may be unsure about your ability to cope without the support of your therapist. A part of you may be concerned that something unexpected will arise and you won’t have your usual space to process it. This could be a sign you need to prepare ahead of time with your therapist (more on that below) and build confidence in your ability to utilize other resources.
It’s okay to feel angry or frustrated. When my therapist went on parental leave, I was angry. How dare she abandon me to have a child!? Yes, it sounds ridiculous now, but it made me realize I was actually angry at myself for not being more emotionally vulnerable with other people in my life and asking for support when I needed it (something we had been working on in our sessions). The anger eventually shifted into fear, and then into hope about the opportunity I had to find support in new ways - something I previously wasn’t challenging myself to do.
It’s okay to feel excited or relieved. Welcoming a break from therapy could mean a lot of things. Maybe a part of you is exhausted by the emotional labor you’ve been doing (totally normal but definitely talk to your therapist about this). Maybe you’re looking forward to a trip or wedding or community project you’re launching. Or maybe you’re just happy to have a bit more time, money, and social energy in your tank.
It’s okay to feel jealous and resentful. A part of you might be externalizing your feelings onto someone else - probably the person who prompted the need for a break, such as your boss who “voluntold” you to organize a conference or your therapist who decided to sail around the world for a year. It’s cool. We all feel jealous and resentful. And we all need to own those emotions as our own - not put them on someone else. Try asking yourself what you need that you’re not getting and take it from there.
The pros & cons of therapy breaks
Let’s start with the cons:
You’re temporarily losing a support person + space where you can feel safe and open
An important part of your routine will be disrupted
You may struggle to cope, resort to old unhelpful behaviors, or bottle it up until it all bursts out uncontrollably (you’re human)
Now let’s think about the pros:
You get to find new opportunities for coping and therapeutic work
You can free up time, money, and energy
You can practice opening up to others
You can test your dependence on therapy and your therapist (and work on any attachment reactions that arise from the separation)
You can reflect on your therapy goals and think about new directions to take
You can work on applying what you learn in therapy
You may be thinking I’m over here rallying against therapy – totally not the case. I’m not advocating for ending therapy completely (unless you feel like you’re ready and it’s a good clinical decision).
I’m highlighting the benefits of a time-limited break - a period of opportunity and experimentation that can be debriefed when therapy sessions resume.
How to prepare for an upcoming break
Say it with me: we can talk about it! The basic rule about (most) therapy relationships is to talk about the thing. If you don’t want to talk about it, you talk about that. If you don’t know how to talk about it, you talk about that. Whatever your reactions, feelings, and concerns are about the break - it helps to talk about it with your therapist. You can collectively process your feelings and get clear on expectations such as their availability for communication during the break. You can collaborate on reviewing skills and resources, and come up with a solid coping plan. You can also write up a more detailed safety plan for any crises that might emerge.
How to cope without your therapist
The fun stuff! There are a ton of creative ways to cope without your regular therapy sessions. Here’s a selection of ideas. Use what you know about yourself + your needs + your resources to come up with your own unique list.
For shorter breaks (a week to a month):
Practice coping skills - journal, breathe, go on bike rides, dance to cheesy music, bake treats, make lists and prioritize tasks.
Take a holistic approach to your healing - get a tarot reading, try acupuncture, attend a sound bath, read a functional medicine blog.
Take action on therapy goals - practice setting boundaries, reframe those mean thoughts in your head, expose yourself to scary things, create a new routine.
Take action on a project - use the time you usually spend doing therapy to make some progress on a project. Edit that script you’ve been sitting on, order the materials for your bathroom renovation, brainstorm a list of career options to help you escape from your current job.
Ask for help from friends & family - if you just cringed, remember you can scale this up or down. Think of who you’re asking + what you’re asking, both on a scale of not scary at all to extremely scary. Asking someone you love and trust to recommend a new restaurant to try - probably not too scary. Asking someone you just met to hang out for the first time - probably very scary. Start with something that feels a little scary and work your way up from there.
Connect with community resources & events - check out Eventbrite, Meetup, Inclusive Therapists, and local social media accounts for workshops, drop-in support groups, volunteer opportunities, and block parties.
Make time for pleasure-centered self care - think of the word “luxuriate” and do whatever comes to mind. Get a massage, stay in your PJs and have breakfast in bed, buy the fancy olives, pull out that bangin fit you’ve been hiding in the closet.
For longer breaks (several months of sabbatical, parental leave, medical care, etc.):
All of the above, plus:
Engage with other forms of therapy - now could be a good time to try another time-limited intervention, such as assessment/testing, EMDR, solution-focused therapy, an intensive outpatient program, detox, ADHD coaching, Prolonged Exposure, trauma-informed yoga, or career coaching.
Schedule recurring events - during normal therapy time or another time on your calendar, can you block off one hour a week to commit to your self care, personal growth, and connection with others? With longer breaks, it can be hard to just “wing it”, especially when you have a thousand other obligations in your life that will happily fill that time.
TL;DR: Therapy breaks are opportunities, you have all the resources you need, and you can handle more than you think.
Bon voyage!